Found out i got the job i wanted today and have realistically been working my arse off for since December. There had been some times in last nine months where i was going to give up, but through the support of people that are close to me and finding the determination to see something through to the end i now have a full time permanent postion for the council, where in the next few years i am going to see many opportunities come my way, which i will grab with all the enthusiasm i can find.
I know this is just your average 9-5 job, but to me it brings alot more with it. Firstly i feel i have achieved something not only for my family but for myself, it gives me a sense of security that i found all on my own, it will give me independence and its actually something that i find interesting, also i have found with patience i'm pretty good at!
This career will cut all that crap out of my life, i can get my head down and follow a path that i want to go down, i have left the past (to an extent) behind me and finally feel able to hold my head up high. I will not let anyone knock my confidence and i will and have erased all them people that held me back and used me for what seems like a life time.
There will be times when i can still sit there for a moment and get upset about my mistakes and remember things from the past that hurt me more than i ever thought was phsyically possible. For now this is by far the best i have felt in over 3 years. I can see light at that never ending, self destructing tunnel.
I have found 2 friends that keep me sane, help me loose all that rubbish i have had holding a black cloud over myself, they have helped me believe i can achieve these ambitions, i wouldnt want to loose them, i will support them when ever they need it, although i will never let myself depend on them, its not a fair game. Overall i have found a friendship i have been looking for too long.
the only thing i want to and need to change now is my image, this will be my next challenge and my last chapter of closesure.All in good time.
Lots to look forward to:
Start my new job monday...
Lots of gigs...
A well deserved holiday...
lots of good times with my true friends.
When ever i have a bad day i will look at this blog and feel postive, there will always be things that i will feel bitter about, i'm just that kind of person that will always look for perfection.
For now though, i am truely happy....
sorry for the jibber jabber!
x
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