All Fun & Games.

I have more than had enough of life around here, I'v out grown it and everything that comes with it. I want something to excite me, something new, somewhere new and i'm not sure how long i'm willing to wait to find out what this is going to be.
I need to start writing lists. I always thought they were a bit useless, but more and more people are starting to live by these lists so they must be of some help. I want lits to plan out the next 6 months, the next year, what music i should be listening to, where i want to be and so on. It could get to a point where i am writing lists about a list, yeah just an insane image i have of myself.
I know i need to top rebelling against this boring routine called some like to call work, i need to look at it as a stepping stone. Some time alone over the next week and after my holiday will do me some good, i plan on saving some spends, booking some gigs for the winter, catching up with some books and educating myself in wide variety of music.

x

Time Wasters

If i started to write this post under two hours ago there could have been a very different outcome and you could have seen a very bitter side to my personality. Instead I have had some time to reflect on what really matters to me and what I am really looking for.

It hurts when you realise your not appreciated, let a lone a priority to someone that you think you have given literally all what you have, yet your not there perfect ideal, so you settle with the use & abuse situation because you know thats all they have to offer you. For short periods of time i guess we all have this approach with relationships/friendships but its only so long before someone get hurt. Well here I am i'm hurt and in the process risked, lost and under estimated a number of friends and family.

I feel like I have failed and been led astray yet again, just for them to pack up and leave with their out of sight, out of mind attitude. Two can play that game, I refuse to chase after them and beg for some form of communication, I will literally expect nothing and then i guess anything that i do achieve will be a bonus. I know i have myself to blame and although I liked to think these last couple of years i had changed, i have now come to the conclusion that you can change whats on the outside and put on a false appearance to what people want to see, but inside maybe i'm still in the same addicted, fragile state he left me in.

I'm going to leave this on a positive note, i can go it alone if i have to, i've done it before i'll do it again. Yeah I knicked that from The Notebook!

I have a holiday to look forward to, a whole week of intoxication, i have family and friends to keep me sane and to be honest its time i take a step back and find this mature adult life i'm striving to achieve, instead of this teenage mess i've become prone too.

for now tata.x

A Little Update...

Been a while since i've looked at this blog, which now makes me realise how bitter and insecure i was just under a month ago. I can't really put into words what has changed in my life in such a short period of time, this could be because i'm scared about how happy i am at the moment and know a change is literally just around the corner.

I've decided to change the way i use this blog i ant to use it for inspiration and guidance, not some muddle journal that brings back unwanted memories and unanswered questions.

I need a new job, a career this time i think i'm ready, i need to be ready or i'm going to be standing still whilist everyone is out there living. I need to do some research over the next few months, my aim is just after christmas to have my idea planned out, whether that be career wise, travelling or moving out, or all the above could make everything quite perfect.

Theres something i wouldnt change for the world right now and thats a strong friendship i have gained. Lets hope nothing too drastic will alter this, but i'm always prepared for the worst. Genreal friendships have been pretty average lately, with maybe two people drifting who i never really saw as a priority, of course i care but i have to tell myself its there lost in the long run, which really isnt worth me fighting for.