Postivity

Things seem to have picked up these last few days. Had some good times with friends, friends that maybe i took for graunted before and never realised that there literally always there for me. I have spent time with them laughing and talking and realising that i have a best friend that has been there through the good and the bad times without even noticing.
I made a decision to stay at home with this time i have away from work, spending some time alone, seeing a few choosen friends and having some really good times.

I hav my interview in two days, have alot resting on this really and its an opportunity i have work had for now for about 6 months, hopefully everything will go to plan.

bye for now
x

Improvement?

Things have picked up a little over the last couple of days, mainly because i have been alone and been getting on with life, leaving as little time as possible to think about everything.

I often have sudden spurts of betrayal, thinking about how loyal my friends really are and who i can trust. The label of a "best friend" is a joke, what is a best friend? someone that does something they know will hurt you? someone that walks away? someone that doesnt give you a second chance? someone that uses the moto "out of sight, out of mind" if so i guess i have and have had plenty of them come and go.

I think i have found a friend that could become a soul mate, if they let me. I think we have the same values and want the same things deep down. But its whether other people let us become close and whether we can really forget the past, although i very much doubt that if people constantly want to relive the past.

I am going to try and kee my postive outlook, i have an interview next week that i really must put my all into, it would mean i have prooved to myself that i can see something through to the end, which i have never done before.

I realised i need to take a step back from my friends and the drama that envokes within it, for no i am going to worry about myself.

stay safe
x

Anonymous

So i thought this was worth a try to put my feelings into words, instead of a jumble of mixed up thoughts that are going around in my head. If you come across this and know me, never ask me questions about what i'm writing this is just for me, i shoudnt have to answer to everything.

I'm hoping i can look back at this page back in a few months and think, yeah things have got better, the days might go a bit quicker, the constant abuse of alcohol might stop and maybe il open up to my friends and show them who i really am.

In this moment in time things are looking pretty bleak for me, this has been the worst week over the last two years and i have come to realise i'm a needy person, something i never thought i was or would become, but them maybe i was just trying to ignore it. This week has bought back some horrible memories and too many situations have reminded me of a time in my life when i was really unhappy.

I want to feel safe again, i need him back, if only in a small part of my life for me to get any sense of real emotion or feeling. I thought i may of found someone this week that could of given me a small sense of security, but turns out they just gave me a false sense of hope and ended up doing the inevitable and disappointing me with empty words.

There are some postives and they could help me get some direction back.

But right now i just keep asking myself, whats the point in any of it?

Thats all for now.
x