Now or Never...

Thats saying that you don't not what you had until its gone is not quite as overated as i once thought.
Slightly scared about where i go from here, gone it alone it seems for the last few weeks, has its highs and lows but i was getting there and proving to myself that i can cope without others guidance.
Its going to be a few days of grinning and bearing a horrible situation, the likelyhood of me getting the outcome i dreamed of i would put as zero chance, but stranger things have happened i guess.
Fed up with people questioning why i wont put my guard down with a person that clearly hurt me on a number of occassion, forgive, but dont forget...........they don't deserve either.

Levels of Maturity

I'm disapointed in myself for sinking to all time lows of immaturity for the benefit of two very immature girls that have shown signs of a lot of growing up to do.
All i can do is pity them for not having anything else in their pathetic little lifes to do, other than bitch about others.
It annoys the hell out of me that people see me as a target to express all their anger for their own mistakes and very bad judgements on their lives.
Today has been a downward spiral i have missed friends, enimies and someone that would stand up and support me.
I have put an end to all this, deleted them and will now ignore any silly little comments that may get back to me.
I have to remember that i have a secure family, good friends and a job, clearly what some people are still striving to achieve.
Thats all.
x

Limits.

We all have limits on what we can and can't say, how much emotion we can show.
It would be good if you could say i love you or i miss you to someone without that judgement shadowing a nice gesture.
Just a thought I had.
Killing time in all aspects at the moment.
x

closed book.

i need to show emotion before its too late............
i can't say much more.
x

challenge

work this week has become a bigger challenege than anticipated, i know i still have a lot to learn, but i'm not good with the process when it comes to having to be trained and learn alot of new things.
I wonder if the pressure is too much for me to take, the workload and the indepth queries and i really am beginning to wonder if i am cut of this and if in the long run it will make me happy enough to be passionate about what i do.
I really need to rememeber the great prospects this career could really bring my way.
For now i will carry on this fight and try not to come close to tears as i did earlier this week.
On another note tommorow night could bring drama that could be avoided, the plan is to assess the situation and keep my mouth shut, as my protective streak could come to breaking point.
I have to remember i really am better than that and to walk away.
x